Sunday, September 16, 2018
8 Years.
8 Years. September 16, 2009 my world fractured and I fractured along with it.
My mother who was one of my best friends died when she was 50 and I was 28. She wasn't supposed to live and neither was I, she had Sheehan's Syndrome or disease either way in 1980 it was kind of a death sentence. As for me I was born with bleeding on the brain and seizures.
We both hit milestones we never were expected to. She managed to live with just taking her meds as she needed. And I ended up never needing a wheelchair or unable to take care of myself. She managed to see 2 of 3 kids graduate high school and the other get a G.E.D. also watched 2 of 3 kids get married and become a grandmother 4 times . 1 of her kids kept getting married out of state and the 1 time he renewed vows to his first wife we wore black to it. Immature I know but we never thought it was a good idea.
Anyway
back to the story.
Me I ended up cracked in a way that broke me. I couldn't speak to anyone and I didn't for about a month . I shut down. I parented the best I could and faked it til I could make it. I didn't make it for long. If I had known what the long term affects would have had on my life I wouldn't have had to run away with the kids to hide from my pain. A month after her passing my husband said he felt we got married too young and he didn't know if he wanted to go on with it. I was still so beyond numb I cried for days and decided to go home to spend time with dad and would bring the kids with me.
I floundered for weeks doing dumb things that I hated myself for and trying to decide if I was in it for the long haul. In the end I told my husband I'd come home if he sought counseling to deal with his issues and I would try to not lose my shit on his family.
So here we are September 16, 2018, 8 years have gone by I still think of mom but I no longer focus on this date every year just when things are rough. This year we spent a week preparing for a hurricane that veered in a different direction during the 2nd week of school. The kids are in middle school now since they were only 4 and 2 when they lost 1 grandma. We lost both hubby's mom and stepdad in 2015. Dad remarried and we all mostly found our peace. This year was also our 17th anniversary. we both refused to give up on each other.
I finally got help for my anxiety and depression for the last 2 years and have been on medication that helps me deal with things that once would have added to my cracks.
Friday, October 12, 2012
12 years..
12 years ago i tried to find the bottom of the bottle. well many bottles. a reckless move i was a miserable 20 yr old with a grudge against the world. the chip on my shoulder started to crack and then i gave up. the moment i walked in the door the drinking began and until i passed out that's all i remember. it was an unconscious thought that had been building for months, i was miserable and hated myself and thought I'd be better off dead than anything. i still think what happened that night could have been stopped either by myself or someone present but then again they weren't my friends and i was going to learn the hard way. i probably would have died if someone hadn't give a shit that night.
Several bottles and passing out in bed the phone call that jolted me came. my mother and the words theres been an accident. the USS Cole. go watch the news.
I nearly lost my best friend while i was too busy trying to lose myself. many frightening hours later we knew he was alive, not ok but alive.
Its been 12 yrs now, the grudge and chip i had on my shoulder went away. i've not had a blackout like that since except for the one the year i got married but i was with family and a very understanding husband that was there for me.
Several bottles and passing out in bed the phone call that jolted me came. my mother and the words theres been an accident. the USS Cole. go watch the news.
I nearly lost my best friend while i was too busy trying to lose myself. many frightening hours later we knew he was alive, not ok but alive.
Its been 12 yrs now, the grudge and chip i had on my shoulder went away. i've not had a blackout like that since except for the one the year i got married but i was with family and a very understanding husband that was there for me.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The Birth, The Life and The Death of Red. and her eventual return.
Red had a short life, born from anger fueled by hate and brought down by something different. Love.
Once upon a time lived a girl whose name was Red. She was full of somethings- hate, anger, unhappiness and a major grudge against life. Live which had led her down just like love had. Red once knew love, she gave it everything she had only to find the other person hadn't felt the same. So it ended. In the bitterness Red was born from a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka and spite.
She found herself fueled by fire and alcohol. She loved to flirt and dance when she wasn't able to drink. First was the Rebound romance it left her more angry, alone and unhappy. Followed by that was the Blink and more alcohol. Not long after that was the Pool Boy, he was fun but like the rest it only last a night. It added to Red's pain and anger.
By then Red was old enough to know a few things, love was not true, rage and hate were true. She hated herself and everything around her. She just wanted to run away by then. More and more she was disillusioned by love and men in general.
Her heart shattered one night and in an ugly event she had wished she died. Instead she held on for dear life long enough to know it had to change. The anger was getting the best of her. She would do things to not feel anything and avoided love since it had failed her before.
There had been a few moments in her life where she questioned her own intentions and at times others. She met a man once that made her question his intentions more than her own. Then she met the One that broke Red down so far she was no longer.
Red began to change, she no long felt the need to have one night stands or to hide at the bottom of a bottle of vodka. The anger began to subside, the hate began to die.
She kissed the final Mistake goodbye and she began to stand on her own. When the hangover had left her shattered and searching for the piece of the puzzle It found her. While she was planning to find herself a new life elsewhere. Maybe if she had left Red wouldn't have died the way she did. There would be no ceremony, no funeral and no last rites which was okay because she wasn't religious anyway. She simply began to fade away.
Red had met someone that brought her from the haze. He promised her nothing as he was like her love had failed him. He would be the last one to meet Red and the last one to feel her fire. And she would die in his arms.
What he did to Red in one month would be why she died. He showed her love and passion. They began to spend as much time together as they could while she expected him to be like the rest. He showed her he wasn't.
They went from friends to lovers then to in love. This is how Red would die asleep in the arms of her lover, then awaken as someone new. She would go from Red to Me. Red was no longer who i had to be. The months she lived she made many mistakes and sought answers in the arms of one night lovers or in nights of alcoholic hazes only to clear herself enough to work the next day to slip back into it when the workday ended.
She felt the anger towards her first lover since she had given him everything she couldn't take back fade. She didn't mourn the loss of her innocence since she felt she gave it to someone she loved.
Me finding the puzzle piece led to me becoming whole, i got sober and stayed where i was supposed to. The one that promised me nothing gave me everything. One day he gave me a proposal that led to a ring and from there led to the beginning of a life as Us, then came the babies. We became a family, then something was lost.
I fell apart again, devastated Red began to resurface as she was what helped me cope years before with the hurt and betrayal only this time Red did the one thing she never had before. She ran. She took the kids and left to deal with her pain. When she was able to she drank to numb herself, whatever it took to make the hurt go away. In time the hurt would heal but Red became permanent. She's a part of Me her wild side comes out at night or when a song comes on the radio she appears. Red will always love to dance and do things she shouldn't but Me as a whole crazy mess that I am. Red misses going dancing and telling strange men at bars to go to hell just so she can go home and sleep next to the one that loves her.
Once upon a time lived a girl whose name was Red. She was full of somethings- hate, anger, unhappiness and a major grudge against life. Live which had led her down just like love had. Red once knew love, she gave it everything she had only to find the other person hadn't felt the same. So it ended. In the bitterness Red was born from a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka and spite.
She found herself fueled by fire and alcohol. She loved to flirt and dance when she wasn't able to drink. First was the Rebound romance it left her more angry, alone and unhappy. Followed by that was the Blink and more alcohol. Not long after that was the Pool Boy, he was fun but like the rest it only last a night. It added to Red's pain and anger.
By then Red was old enough to know a few things, love was not true, rage and hate were true. She hated herself and everything around her. She just wanted to run away by then. More and more she was disillusioned by love and men in general.
Her heart shattered one night and in an ugly event she had wished she died. Instead she held on for dear life long enough to know it had to change. The anger was getting the best of her. She would do things to not feel anything and avoided love since it had failed her before.
There had been a few moments in her life where she questioned her own intentions and at times others. She met a man once that made her question his intentions more than her own. Then she met the One that broke Red down so far she was no longer.
Red began to change, she no long felt the need to have one night stands or to hide at the bottom of a bottle of vodka. The anger began to subside, the hate began to die.
She kissed the final Mistake goodbye and she began to stand on her own. When the hangover had left her shattered and searching for the piece of the puzzle It found her. While she was planning to find herself a new life elsewhere. Maybe if she had left Red wouldn't have died the way she did. There would be no ceremony, no funeral and no last rites which was okay because she wasn't religious anyway. She simply began to fade away.
Red had met someone that brought her from the haze. He promised her nothing as he was like her love had failed him. He would be the last one to meet Red and the last one to feel her fire. And she would die in his arms.
What he did to Red in one month would be why she died. He showed her love and passion. They began to spend as much time together as they could while she expected him to be like the rest. He showed her he wasn't.
They went from friends to lovers then to in love. This is how Red would die asleep in the arms of her lover, then awaken as someone new. She would go from Red to Me. Red was no longer who i had to be. The months she lived she made many mistakes and sought answers in the arms of one night lovers or in nights of alcoholic hazes only to clear herself enough to work the next day to slip back into it when the workday ended.
She felt the anger towards her first lover since she had given him everything she couldn't take back fade. She didn't mourn the loss of her innocence since she felt she gave it to someone she loved.
Me finding the puzzle piece led to me becoming whole, i got sober and stayed where i was supposed to. The one that promised me nothing gave me everything. One day he gave me a proposal that led to a ring and from there led to the beginning of a life as Us, then came the babies. We became a family, then something was lost.
I fell apart again, devastated Red began to resurface as she was what helped me cope years before with the hurt and betrayal only this time Red did the one thing she never had before. She ran. She took the kids and left to deal with her pain. When she was able to she drank to numb herself, whatever it took to make the hurt go away. In time the hurt would heal but Red became permanent. She's a part of Me her wild side comes out at night or when a song comes on the radio she appears. Red will always love to dance and do things she shouldn't but Me as a whole crazy mess that I am. Red misses going dancing and telling strange men at bars to go to hell just so she can go home and sleep next to the one that loves her.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Happy Anniversary
9 years married as of yesterday, and what did we get for ourselves...hubby had food poisoning and i got a headache. maybe next year we can get the date/hotel room we've been wanting.
i have to start trying to keep myself pulled together Sept 16th will be the first anniversary of mom's passing and i dread it. i shut down after she died and it affected my marriage and life. i'm trying to keep from doing it again but i'm lost without her here. the shit happening in my fathers house wouldnt be happening if she was alive. then again my idiot brother would have never been able to pull the wounded child act. its not going well since me and our other brother have experience living with him too so me and my family have to move out of a place we were wanted the most to keep our sanity
i have to start trying to keep myself pulled together Sept 16th will be the first anniversary of mom's passing and i dread it. i shut down after she died and it affected my marriage and life. i'm trying to keep from doing it again but i'm lost without her here. the shit happening in my fathers house wouldnt be happening if she was alive. then again my idiot brother would have never been able to pull the wounded child act. its not going well since me and our other brother have experience living with him too so me and my family have to move out of a place we were wanted the most to keep our sanity
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Time to revamp
i started this blog years ago so i could talk about my life and kids. well i'm taking a step in another direction. I'm going to rediscover me, my 30th birthday is approaching and i dont know who i am. it's time i found me and brought that person to the surface instead of the unsure being that i am.
i want to be able to wear a pair of heels and a dress and not feel like i'm just playing dress up i want to feel like a grown woman and look the part.
so to take a cue from some inspiring blogs The Bitch is gonna come out!
i want to be able to wear a pair of heels and a dress and not feel like i'm just playing dress up i want to feel like a grown woman and look the part.
so to take a cue from some inspiring blogs The Bitch is gonna come out!
Thursday, January 08, 2009
would things have been different
years ago i was involved in hiding a friend cheating on her husband sometimes i wonder where things would have gone if i had told someone that knew him. i had a chance to tell one of his freinds and i didnt, i was already removed from the situation and group of people involved.
would i have the husband or children i have if i simply told someone on the phone **** cheated i'm sorry but someone needs to tell ****. if i had done that would she have gotten what she deserved.
i ran into them about a year later i was in a better place so i walked by without a word or gesture(it was a thought to flip the bird and call her a slut but she paid the price for cheating it cost her a job(you cant proposition everyone you meet, she even passed her number to other guys i knew now that was funny cause i had a large group of friends then)
here it is 8 yrs later i have a wonderful husband and adorable kids. i dont think i would change it but i wish i had said something all those years ago.
would i have the husband or children i have if i simply told someone on the phone **** cheated i'm sorry but someone needs to tell ****. if i had done that would she have gotten what she deserved.
i ran into them about a year later i was in a better place so i walked by without a word or gesture(it was a thought to flip the bird and call her a slut but she paid the price for cheating it cost her a job(you cant proposition everyone you meet, she even passed her number to other guys i knew now that was funny cause i had a large group of friends then)
here it is 8 yrs later i have a wonderful husband and adorable kids. i dont think i would change it but i wish i had said something all those years ago.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
my sort of political post
my mother called me this morning very happy that in her lifetime she has now seen a black hawaiian president elected. my parents were children/teens when the civil rights happened. mom could tell me what she was doing when president kennedy was assinated as well as his brother and martin luther king jr.
i was a child of the 80s and grew up in the era of Bush Sr. and Clinton now my children who were born in 2005 and 2007 have seen a black president elected into office.
the world has changed people so get your heads out of your asses and see that truly anyone can be what they achieve to be. so now my daughter could one day run for president and my nephew could run as well.
so presidnet bush you can kiss my ass someones gonna fix the mess you made!
i was a child of the 80s and grew up in the era of Bush Sr. and Clinton now my children who were born in 2005 and 2007 have seen a black president elected into office.
the world has changed people so get your heads out of your asses and see that truly anyone can be what they achieve to be. so now my daughter could one day run for president and my nephew could run as well.
so presidnet bush you can kiss my ass someones gonna fix the mess you made!
Friday, July 25, 2008
mommy for 3yrs and 1 month
my precious daughter that wont stop talking is now 3 years old and my little man is approaching 15 months.
both of them are walking talking eating pooping machines. my daughter is in potty training refusal. she's used it twice and that was it....i havent figured out the problem yet. little man is next hopefully he's the easier one.
its silly i have to keep explaining to my inlaws that my son has the light blue eyes/blonde hair that run in my family after all my shade of red/brown comes in a box.
hubby and i will be celebrating our 7th anniv sept 5 then our birthdays after that..Oct means he's been in my life for 8 years(considering most guys i dated stuck around for 2 or less)i love hubby more every day but ughh his stepdad irks the shit out of me. there i said it damn it. i cant stand the asshole. i'm so glad my kids arent related to him in any other form.
well i should go make myself look human for hubby were gonna leave the kids with the inlaws and get some us time.
both of them are walking talking eating pooping machines. my daughter is in potty training refusal. she's used it twice and that was it....i havent figured out the problem yet. little man is next hopefully he's the easier one.
its silly i have to keep explaining to my inlaws that my son has the light blue eyes/blonde hair that run in my family after all my shade of red/brown comes in a box.
hubby and i will be celebrating our 7th anniv sept 5 then our birthdays after that..Oct means he's been in my life for 8 years(considering most guys i dated stuck around for 2 or less)i love hubby more every day but ughh his stepdad irks the shit out of me. there i said it damn it. i cant stand the asshole. i'm so glad my kids arent related to him in any other form.
well i should go make myself look human for hubby were gonna leave the kids with the inlaws and get some us time.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
surgery yesterday
well yesterday became the end of my baby making days. i had a tubal done after having a freak iud incident. it feels weird yet like nothing happened except for the bandaids and bleeding you'd never know i had somehting done. i'm not in any pain but its only 24 hours past it.
my hand is a little sore from the iv and the numbing shot but its not bruised like my elbow is from having blood drawn 2 days before surgery..
thats my sad pathetic news
the good news is my little guy started rolling today, he goes belly to back to die and back to his back before getting mad, he hasnt made the complete roll over yet but he did it today. me and hubby are happy that he did it i never thought he was going to cause he hates being on his tummy but lo and behold today was the day he rolled over.
my hand is a little sore from the iv and the numbing shot but its not bruised like my elbow is from having blood drawn 2 days before surgery..
thats my sad pathetic news
the good news is my little guy started rolling today, he goes belly to back to die and back to his back before getting mad, he hasnt made the complete roll over yet but he did it today. me and hubby are happy that he did it i never thought he was going to cause he hates being on his tummy but lo and behold today was the day he rolled over.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
i'm scatterbrained
my son is now 2 months old and my daughter is 2 years old. i'm gonna be moving some of my posts around since i created a knitting blog my creativity is overflowing since i picked my needles back up
i shall post again soon
i shall post again soon
Friday, January 26, 2007
whoops forgot to update
yea ok i suck at this i know i do but its really not my fault my laptop has been dead since Dec.
Dec 5th we found out what we're having....a precious little boy
Dec 25th we announced his name to family James Aleksander
now its jan 26th and i'm 27 weeks 2 days pg.....if you do the math its only 89/88 days til he's due and i'm not ready!!!!!
i havent bought anything big yet, he's already got a crib, stroller and car seat i dont think he's gonna notice that those are from his sister and the travel system isnt too girly.
i still need to get some medium sized things like a bouncer and a highchair and a new crib mattress. he's gonna need clothes too..unless he can wear a bunch of pink stuff ok its not pink its mostly purple lol. i have sleepers and stuff but i dont know what i still have left from the last time since i gave alot of clothes away.
as for my princess she's doing so well she knows mommy has a baby in her belly, of course she thinks she does too so i keep correcting her as she flashes me lol. she's quite vocal and lets you know what she wants even if its cheese all the time or juice. she knows kitty cat, spongebob squarepants (why oh why oh why) which sounds more like bobbob, she gets excited when that show comes on same with backyardigans but she doenst say any character names yet, she knows fish , nite nite, two, oww,and chips she has more but i cant distinguish the current words shes come up with. she's 19 months old now and walks like a champ takes off running like one too. she chases the cat around the living room going "kikat" and if you walk into the kitchen she runs to the gate and asks for cheese, i should be glad its not cookies right?
i still cant believe i'll have 2 under 2 in 3 short months. it still gets me that in 2004 the drs didnt have an answer for why i wasnt getting pregnant and now i've done it on my own twice!
Dec 5th we found out what we're having....a precious little boy
Dec 25th we announced his name to family James Aleksander
now its jan 26th and i'm 27 weeks 2 days pg.....if you do the math its only 89/88 days til he's due and i'm not ready!!!!!
i havent bought anything big yet, he's already got a crib, stroller and car seat i dont think he's gonna notice that those are from his sister and the travel system isnt too girly.
i still need to get some medium sized things like a bouncer and a highchair and a new crib mattress. he's gonna need clothes too..unless he can wear a bunch of pink stuff ok its not pink its mostly purple lol. i have sleepers and stuff but i dont know what i still have left from the last time since i gave alot of clothes away.
as for my princess she's doing so well she knows mommy has a baby in her belly, of course she thinks she does too so i keep correcting her as she flashes me lol. she's quite vocal and lets you know what she wants even if its cheese all the time or juice. she knows kitty cat, spongebob squarepants (why oh why oh why) which sounds more like bobbob, she gets excited when that show comes on same with backyardigans but she doenst say any character names yet, she knows fish , nite nite, two, oww,and chips she has more but i cant distinguish the current words shes come up with. she's 19 months old now and walks like a champ takes off running like one too. she chases the cat around the living room going "kikat" and if you walk into the kitchen she runs to the gate and asks for cheese, i should be glad its not cookies right?
i still cant believe i'll have 2 under 2 in 3 short months. it still gets me that in 2004 the drs didnt have an answer for why i wasnt getting pregnant and now i've done it on my own twice!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
short and sweet
we're gonna be finding out what the new baby is in a few weeks. and i still have a really bad yarn addiction and knitting habit
Sunday, September 24, 2006
unhappy
i've been over stressed the past weeks and an unhappy at the way things have gone. igave family 2 weeks to stay, find a place and move....now its moving closer to next month.
i'm exhausted and miserable, i'm trying to enjoy being pregnant again and take care of my toddler and i feel like i have to stay out of their way in my own damn house! hubby and i wont provide food for them cause its not our job to feed 3 mouths that extended their stay.
on top of everything now theres roaches in my house that were not here before they arrived! WTF! i can deal with ants but roaches oh hell fucking no!!!!!!
tomorrow is my birthday and its supposed to be a nice day for me but i dont see that being the case
i'm exhausted and miserable, i'm trying to enjoy being pregnant again and take care of my toddler and i feel like i have to stay out of their way in my own damn house! hubby and i wont provide food for them cause its not our job to feed 3 mouths that extended their stay.
on top of everything now theres roaches in my house that were not here before they arrived! WTF! i can deal with ants but roaches oh hell fucking no!!!!!!
tomorrow is my birthday and its supposed to be a nice day for me but i dont see that being the case
Monday, September 18, 2006
memo to my cat
My closet is not your litter box!!!!!!!!!!!
i wanted to search for my other crapped out power cord and the smell just overwhelmed me. i'm gonna spend the next week washing clothes because of my cat
i'm being nice and i didnt call her a psycho once
i wanted to search for my other crapped out power cord and the smell just overwhelmed me. i'm gonna spend the next week washing clothes because of my cat
i'm being nice and i didnt call her a psycho once
pregnancy + dr. pepper = blah
i should know better than to drink dark sodas when i know they made me gag before i got knocked up but i needed a drink and my usual drink of choice was downstairs so i grabbed the closer drink and now i feel like crap
other than that i'm feeling ok most of the time unless i cant sleep then i'm not a nice person
anyway next week i turn 26, i dread the idea of even celebrating my birthday most years cause usually its a disaster or i get the sorry too busy bs from people. hubby has to work that day and one of my SIL has something planned for me which was a big shock cause usually her and my brother give me an IOU....3 years in a row so i stopped doing things for their bdays, its not that i was mad its just that i got tired of the its the thought that counts effort.
i cant think of much else right now, i havent been able to work on my knitting and i cant get really into reading a book like i'd like to.
thats all i got for now my power cord crapped out again so i gotta fix it til the 1st
other than that i'm feeling ok most of the time unless i cant sleep then i'm not a nice person
anyway next week i turn 26, i dread the idea of even celebrating my birthday most years cause usually its a disaster or i get the sorry too busy bs from people. hubby has to work that day and one of my SIL has something planned for me which was a big shock cause usually her and my brother give me an IOU....3 years in a row so i stopped doing things for their bdays, its not that i was mad its just that i got tired of the its the thought that counts effort.
i cant think of much else right now, i havent been able to work on my knitting and i cant get really into reading a book like i'd like to.
thats all i got for now my power cord crapped out again so i gotta fix it til the 1st
Monday, September 11, 2006
musings from the insomniatic preggo woman
i have no clue if i even spelled that right.
its 230 am and my darling hubby gets up at 5am...hopefully i'll be asleep by then, hopefully.
tonight we took punkin to the bookstore(my fave place to be)and she was just the cutest, she kept trying to wave bye-bye to daddy and tried to make a new friend. she got away with getting a stuffed dog out of the night, she grabbed it off the shelf and gave it a kiss. after her having been sick for over a week we were more than happy to buy her the doggie(it also helped that she said mine! and doggie) plus our silly child ended up eating half of daddy's cheesecake and tried to get my coffee(she didnt get it, she got the cup when i finished it tho)
as for me, i'm in a creative mood and funk at the same time, my custom knit idea isnt working out and i dread the idea of orders finally coming in around late fall when my hands may be too swollen to do any real work(this is why my 8ft scarf took a year to make)
trying to make the spring addition a blanket and i hope this one will be a girl cause i'm going for white and pink(ummm boys can have some pink too right?)plus i have two other projects that may get torn apart and restarted like 2 or 3 times before i get what i want out of them
ya know i should go to bed but damn it i think i had a 3 or 4 hour nap earlier today and now i cant sleep. tomorrow should be fun
ooo that and
i may be crazy but i think i've felt this baby moving around(i'm 9w2d)i'm prolly just nuts and had too much chocolate today tho.
my next ob appt is the 27th
its 230 am and my darling hubby gets up at 5am...hopefully i'll be asleep by then, hopefully.
tonight we took punkin to the bookstore(my fave place to be)and she was just the cutest, she kept trying to wave bye-bye to daddy and tried to make a new friend. she got away with getting a stuffed dog out of the night, she grabbed it off the shelf and gave it a kiss. after her having been sick for over a week we were more than happy to buy her the doggie(it also helped that she said mine! and doggie) plus our silly child ended up eating half of daddy's cheesecake and tried to get my coffee(she didnt get it, she got the cup when i finished it tho)
as for me, i'm in a creative mood and funk at the same time, my custom knit idea isnt working out and i dread the idea of orders finally coming in around late fall when my hands may be too swollen to do any real work(this is why my 8ft scarf took a year to make)
trying to make the spring addition a blanket and i hope this one will be a girl cause i'm going for white and pink(ummm boys can have some pink too right?)plus i have two other projects that may get torn apart and restarted like 2 or 3 times before i get what i want out of them
ya know i should go to bed but damn it i think i had a 3 or 4 hour nap earlier today and now i cant sleep. tomorrow should be fun
ooo that and
i may be crazy but i think i've felt this baby moving around(i'm 9w2d)i'm prolly just nuts and had too much chocolate today tho.
my next ob appt is the 27th
shamelessly stolen idea for a post
thanks shevon i had to do it lol
Your Stripper Song Is |
 Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school. |
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
tomorrow
my first ob appointment is tomorrow morning. i'm looking forward to it since this baby was a natural conception on our first try after stopping birth control
Friday, August 25, 2006
well it may be time to change my title or somethin
cause i'm gonna be a mom to 2 kids
i still gotta get it confirmed but 2 tests said enough for me
Friday, August 11, 2006
ooooo i may be going into business
i've gotten my first request for a hat to be made for someone for money. i'm still ironing out the details but i'm stoked cause its money i didnt have before and it allows me to buy yarn!
i finished the hat i did for hubby and now i get to make a customized one for someone.
i finished the hat i did for hubby and now i get to make a customized one for someone.
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