Saturday, October 15, 2005

1yr ago today and other ramblings

well more like this evening at around 845 i took a pregnancy test that said pregnant. i made one call to my parents and never said the words mom i'm pregnant instead i asked how my parents felt about more grandchildren since they already had a granddaughter and a grandson from my brothers. so naturally i was the last one to have a child.
it wasnt an easy month last october things were kind of off in my house. my husband was having mood swings and i was beyond stressed by it. i took a 2 week vacation to visit my brother and some family for a wedding. came home to hell and fell apart. i cried on a girlfriends shoulder and drank a few drinks.(i did not know i was pregnant or suspect it at the time)
anyway when i called my girlfriend at the time to announce it again i never said i was pregnant instead i asked how she felt about being godmother in the summer, she cried and hung the phone up on me. it took her a while to call me back. i shocked her i think. a month later i was taking pictures at her wedding. i was supposed to have been her matron of honor for her wedding when she had a big wedding planned, she had a courthouse quickie like i did a few years ago.
its amazing how things change in a years time. i spent a night crying over a dead bird and thinking my husband had grown to hate me. the hate part wasnt true since we figured out what caused his mood swings and temper. i could have gone to jail once we came to the conclusion on what caused all of that, his doctor that knew nothing about high blood pressure or A-Fib(short name for hubby's medical condition) had raised his medication because his blood pressure wasnt going down......his medication wasnt for his high blood pressure it was for his heart. since then he stopped taking that medication and saw a new dr and has appointments with a cardiologist. his doctors have also told him that if his medication makes him act like that again he is to let them know. i've had him tell his doctors it'd be me telling them cause i'm the one that put up with his anger and wont put up with it again. the doctors were sure about one thing the one that raised that initial medication was wrong as she wasnt a specialist but she'd have been a dead doc if i had gotten my hands on her.
as for crying over a dead bird, we had pet parakeets last year that we bought on Mothers Day. i was depressed and feeling lonely so he bought us 2 birds to keep me company when he was at work. 1 died in october of last year the 2nd one died in april/may we think from a heartattack. i didnt find that one i would have prolly freaked out cause i had found the first bird dying.
since i hadnt suspected i was pregnant and i had a total meltdown finding that bird. i guess those birds were doomed for a while since my cat tried to eat one of them once when she was a kitten.
i still think about last year at times. for a few reasons my uncle was still alive last october, he passed away in February. i met my sister in law and her son then, got to spend time with my parents granted it was in sharing hotel rooms, i went to Nashville, gatlinburg, clarksville, some city in kentucky that was "dry"(damned alcohol free cities) i visited 4 states in that trip which was from Sept 29th to Oct 7th. my mom and i talked about doing more roadtrips while we were on that trip and some how i had said i couldnt do it the next year cause i was going to be preggers.....well i already was at the time. We took another road trip less than 6 months later for a funeral..
as for me being pregnant last year, i made cousin number 3 to have been expecting at the time. my family welcomed 3 baby girls between Nov/Dec and June. that made a total of 7 girls and 2 boys. i know this is just ramblings but this is how big one side of my family is now i had 4 uncles and 2 aunts plus my dad, from there was 5 girls and 3 boys, and from those it became 7 girls and 2 boys. the women outnumber the guys now. my poor grandfather has more women around him now that tell him what to do than anything. i could have sworn when i told him i was expecting a girl he had a look on his face of Oh No not another one. after all one cousin had her daughter in early winter and another cousin was expecting her 4th girl valentines day, i was last since i was due in the summer. now i still have 2 cousins that dont have kids one doesnt want kids and the other is still a kid, bratty and obnoxious but still a kid.
well i'm enjoying the silence of my little girl and my hubby still being asleep.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

last year

this time last year my life was falling apart around me. i wasnt sure what was going to happen or what i was going to do.
my cousin has his 1st anniversary a couple of weeks ago, i was at his wedding. that was the last time i saw my uncle alive and having fun. he died in feburary from a clot related to his cancer a couple of years before.
ok i have to finish this later

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

lack of sleep related thoughts

i've had a sick family for a week and i havent had a decent nights sleep cause of it. i'm the one up with the baby cause she's had a cold and wont sleep unless she's really warm. she's a mini heater and sweats alot so i'm feeling sticky as it is. oh well she's just like her daddy i cuddle up to him when i'm cold except when i'm sick i dont want him near me cause i'm hot as hell. anyway i cant figure how 3 people can have 3 different sicknesses in the same house, baby has a cold, i have sinusitus soon to be a cough gee thanks doc and hubby has some unknown infection.
anyway here it is i'm on my 4th attempt at getting the baby to sleep and i know if i take her off this couch she's gonna wake up so guess where i have to sleep tonight- the couch if i can get her to sleep in her swing.
tomorrow is gonna be hell cause theres stuff that needs to be done and i wont be able to function as usual
we're supposed to be moving next month so i'm hoping my lease actually does end when i think it does. guess hubby needs to double check cause i've always got my hands full with the baby. gotta get her 4 month appt scheduled and some other stuff done

things we need to do this coming month
get boxes
take out the trash
get rid of the stuff we dont use or wear

i just dont get it why the baby wont sleep and stay asleep when she goes to sleep at night 4 times now she's woken up since 10pm its now really really late and the alarm clock goes off at 630 someone has to remind hubby he still has to go to work in the morning after all i got the 24/7 job of being mommy. i love my daughter but i miss being able to function and really want a couple days rest cause i really do spend a large part of my day taking care of her and if i cant function she's not getting what she needs like an awake mommy or a patient mommy
so what am i doing up at this hour still easy i'm trying to breathe cause i have a sinus infection it takes me another hour or two to get to sleep cause of it cause i start coughing if i'm not careful.
ok lil miss sweaty head has gotten my leg all sweaty i need to move her to her swing or something