Thursday, November 16, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
i'm exhausted and miserable, i'm trying to enjoy being pregnant again and take care of my toddler and i feel like i have to stay out of their way in my own damn house! hubby and i wont provide food for them cause its not our job to feed 3 mouths that extended their stay.
on top of everything now theres roaches in my house that were not here before they arrived! WTF! i can deal with ants but roaches oh hell fucking no!!!!!!
tomorrow is my birthday and its supposed to be a nice day for me but i dont see that being the case
Monday, September 18, 2006
other than that i'm feeling ok most of the time unless i cant sleep then i'm not a nice person
anyway next week i turn 26, i dread the idea of even celebrating my birthday most years cause usually its a disaster or i get the sorry too busy bs from people. hubby has to work that day and one of my SIL has something planned for me which was a big shock cause usually her and my brother give me an IOU....3 years in a row so i stopped doing things for their bdays, its not that i was mad its just that i got tired of the its the thought that counts effort.
i cant think of much else right now, i havent been able to work on my knitting and i cant get really into reading a book like i'd like to.
thats all i got for now my power cord crapped out again so i gotta fix it til the 1st
Monday, September 11, 2006
its 230 am and my darling hubby gets up at 5am...hopefully i'll be asleep by then, hopefully.
tonight we took punkin to the bookstore(my fave place to be)and she was just the cutest, she kept trying to wave bye-bye to daddy and tried to make a new friend. she got away with getting a stuffed dog out of the night, she grabbed it off the shelf and gave it a kiss. after her having been sick for over a week we were more than happy to buy her the doggie(it also helped that she said mine! and doggie) plus our silly child ended up eating half of daddy's cheesecake and tried to get my coffee(she didnt get it, she got the cup when i finished it tho)
as for me, i'm in a creative mood and funk at the same time, my custom knit idea isnt working out and i dread the idea of orders finally coming in around late fall when my hands may be too swollen to do any real work(this is why my 8ft scarf took a year to make)
trying to make the spring addition a blanket and i hope this one will be a girl cause i'm going for white and pink(ummm boys can have some pink too right?)plus i have two other projects that may get torn apart and restarted like 2 or 3 times before i get what i want out of them
ya know i should go to bed but damn it i think i had a 3 or 4 hour nap earlier today and now i cant sleep. tomorrow should be fun
ooo that and
i may be crazy but i think i've felt this baby moving around(i'm 9w2d)i'm prolly just nuts and had too much chocolate today tho.
my next ob appt is the 27th
Your Stripper Song Is
Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
"Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?"
Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
i finished the hat i did for hubby and now i get to make a customized one for someone.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
poncho has been in progress and hasnt been touched in weeks.
also i was able to make the final piece to my set, i made a bag to hold the scarf, fingerless mittens and the hat, plus i'm half done with dh's fugly hat. its truly earned the name fugly.he asked for it in a very brightly multi colored yarn...i wanna see him wear this thing in public
thats it for now i have a still sleepy 13 month old in my lap
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
my daughter is 1 now and very much a toddler. she's walking and talks back(wait isn't that supposed to start at 13?)
as for me i'm still knitting as it stands i have 3 projects going and the 4th one was already unraveled after i got really annoyed with the yarn so that one may be done with something else along with the crappy yarn.
today i decided to make another hat and much to my own dismay its twisted yep thats right i cant keep the damn thing straight which means i have to start over and damn if it isnt 2am i'd start it over but no i want to see exactly how twisted i got it before i start it over. i should be proud i'm attempting this but i've only tried knitting in a round 2 times and this is the 2nd one..... havent figured out how i got it twisted yet
i've also learned just how long i can tolerate my MIL in my home, its not a very long time i'd say 1 day before i'm pulling my hair out(shhh i played nice last week and bit my tongue alot)
oh well back to the hat before i pull it apart
Sunday, June 04, 2006
as for my getting out of control hobby........
2 finished projects Scarf and Shawl
2 in progress projects Hat to match Scarf and a self designed Shawl Shrug i think
in progress right now means its not visible to tell what it is yet the hat is just a 4 inch wide strip and the other is getting out of control and becoming a massive pain in my ass(i designed it and somehow its taking on a life of its own)
i wanted to make something that will cover but be cute and i didnt think that i wanted til i actually started on it......ask me in a month what it resembles
i've calmed my posts down lately the knitting has really helped make me calmer in my life after the stress we've dealt with and its relaxing and distracting enough to help me diet as well
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
give or take for the past 10 years i've known how to do it but only since my daughter is becoming mobile have i had the time and patience to work on it, plus the stress from dealing with oldest brother i've had alotta time on my hands and have been knitting alot
first project was a scarf length of time on project was a year(i stopped for months while pregnant my hands were too swollen to bend) now its done and i mean DONE!!!!! its total length is 8ft and is at the widest i want to say 6 inches but mostly 4-5 inches. i'm proud of myself for it since i did most of the work in 2 months time and only used 1 ball of yarn
so in that i have pictures from the past month of progress
and my addictted self has already begun Project #2 a Shawl in a similar yarn only much lighter that may become wider than my needles are(circular needles are a blessing but my curse cause i only have 2 and they are 29 inches.......mommy is gonna need some wider needles and some more yarn if this habit of mine gets outta control
at least my mom is proud of me
Saturday, April 29, 2006
he still owes me money from 3 years ago and i havent forgotten. he cant live with me anyway i live in military housing that mean no moochers that and i'm allergic to his menthol cigarettes so he cant be near me.
i'm so over his stupidity and that this is his 2nd wife that he's pushed out.
if anyone want a useless brother they can have mine
Saturday, April 15, 2006
now i also have to possibly deal with my other brother finding out i'm talking to his ex-wife who i was friends with in highschool years ago. i didnt hate her when they split up i just never talked to her cause they were in another state.
what the fuck gives my family the damned right to run my life when i'm 25?! i put up with it for years now i have to pretty much make sure princess is in a good mood just for me to visit my parents cause they live with them..its my parents home i shouldnt need their fucking permission to take my daughter there to see her grandparents and her cousin. fuck i'm pissed off
i started crying til i got mad which was about 2 minutes then decided since i had this it was going here.
my husband hates how they interfer in my life, i've been told which friends they did or didnt trust plus the guys i had dated which ones they liked and which ones they didnt so i didnt get to learn from my mistakes. well fuck i got my chance to do it as an adult and damn it i'm gonna be friends with who the hell i want to damn it.
well i might as well find my daughters outfit and set it aside so she can get her easter bunny picture taken today cause i need some peace
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
its quite relaxing for me lately with my daughter teething and my hubby talking about his job options.
i am still annoyed that i need to buy a new set of bamboo needles cause my cat may have chewed on one. i really loved this set of needles they were perfect and smooth now one has about an inch chewed on.
i have also decided on something, when i have the money i want to get a set of needles thru a ball of yarn tattooed on my leg for the fact i've kept with it for so many years even tho i hadnt knit so much til i was looking for something to do while pregnant.
i had learned to knit watching my mom then reversing what she did to make it work for me, now after 10 years its time for me to learn more i'm hoping to learn new things once this scarf is finished which hopefully is gonna be in a month or so.
well time to get back to my work this scarf aint gonna knit itself.
Friday, March 24, 2006
i'm sitting in my living room with the tv and lights off typing this trying not to cry i'm so upset and hurt. its been a while since i got out of the house to do anything. its been weeks since i saw my folks and my last trip out was blockbuster to end up sitting in the car with my husband cussing over the traffic.
tonight he decided to mock me again after i've asked him not to do that anymore. its hurtful cause its disrespectful. he smacked my leg playing so i kicked him, i hit him in the rib and he smacked me again on the leg, so i went upstairs on my computer. he brings the baby up with him so i go back downstairs to my dark living room cause i'm hurting from this.
he doesnt understand nor listen to my needs or wants....i put my own needs aside for him and the baby. i've been waiting for over a month to get new contacts or to even order them and he seems to forget that its a need as well as new glasses as mine are several years old.
i think he has his wife and our childs mom mixed up forgetting that i'm more than a 24/7 caretaker and i have needs and desires. they dont seem to matter to him. he tells me i'm sexy and i dont believe him for these reasons cause he says it he doesnt show it.
i just need a break a few hours without him and the baby at this rate i dont care if its just for coffee or to spend an hour with my mom i just need away before i get depressed
tonight my word is asshole, opinions are like assholes everybody has one
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
its been an eventful month since my last post, my 8 1/2 month old baby is standing alone when she can. where she got this idea that she can be a daredevil is another thing, she's shaken the screws loose in my bed with her little stunts. that and she's obsessed with smacking the wall, we joke she's looking for the wall safe or a hollow sound.
last night hubby and i had an interesting talk about events from 2004, he told me i should have thanked one of his friends for not letting him walk out on me while i was away on a trip. he said he would have gone back to his home state but his friend wouldnt let him go(that and he's military he just cant relocate on a whim) i told him if he had i would have dragged his ass back since 2 weeks after that fight the words i'm pregnant were said.
we also discussed something else, his exgirlfriend wants to meet his daughter i told him i should walk up to her smack her once and shake her hand(smack for being stupid and shake her hand cause her stupidity sent him my way) he also asked if he talks about her too much, he doesnt. exgirlfriends and boyfriends are rarely brought up by us although he has a habit of bringing up my exboyfriend more cause he still hates the guy. i've got a few exboyfriends but this particular one he really hates(yes hate is a strong word but in this situation hate is appropriate)
it seems weird to me still that for one month in 2004 my husband was a real asshole and since then i've gotten him back to normal(well not really normal he's on more medications now but they are for some other things) i still worry about his medications having side effects but the ones he has now bleeding is more of a side effect(he's on one that really thins his blood out and the slightest thing like a nose bleed or a cut could get bad) his drs have an understanding now that if he comes in saying something is causing a problem( as in he's an asshole again) they are to find another medication for him. i refuse to have him go thru that again cause if it does i'm gonna be the one in his drs office telling them to find an alternative. i like one of his drs , she's a nurse that calls to make sure he's had his weekly blood draw to check his levels(i'm not sure what its checking but its been low since he's been on it) and she doesnt call and act formal if i answer the phone, i've had her laughing on the phone and she's glad i like her cause most military drs and nurses dont get that kind of appreciation since its the military they either see a shitload of patients or they see certain ones for just so long.
as for us next year its going to be a different world, he'll be out in march and i'll finally have a husband whose life isnt scheduled around the job. we're talking about trying again that year as well since we arent sure if we'll have the same problems getting pregnant again as we did with sarah. i dont think i could handle trying again for 2 years but dont know how i'd feel if i did conceive quickly that thought scares me at time, i'm considering towards end of this year if i get 6 more months of birth control going off it around the time he gets out of the service cause i'll have been on bc for a year and a half and the drs told us not to get pregnant for 2 years so i could really heal from a csection( i think its more or less becoming a mental healing because i was really freaked out having a csection that i had cried thru it to the point i was having trouble breathing, and when you're numbed from nipples to toes blowing your nose becomes verrrrry difficult. thank you nice man with afrin in your pocket in the delivery room)
well shit i think this got kinda long again.....i got to keep up with this better i just dont seem to have alot of time to or i wait til i have alot to say since this isnt something my usual online friends see
my word of today is coffee...as in i need to go make some coffee or i'm going back to bed dammit
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
sarah refusing to nap and screaming, i gave her a bottle she started screaming again so i gave her baby tylenol cause she's teething....still screams so i get up to get her teething tablets and just as i do that hubby comes home. it hits me hard too i'm starting to feel burnt out, i spend so much time with the baby and trying to deal with the house that i'm so tired yet i'm not tired enough to sleep.
my hubby is always bugging me about sex and he knows full well that my body is so out of whack that i have no sexual desires or even feel sexy. his constant pestering doesnt help my feelings cause i just cant bring myself to have sex with him.
i'm still trying to lose the weight i've gained since 2003 but i've lost all modivation to do so even tho i got the workout tapes i wanted for xmas.
my only effort at me time these days is coffee and a shower......i went out yesterday to see a girlfriend that lives near me.
i just want one day that i can go out and have some fun without feeling guilty for not being home taking care of my husband and my daughter.
todays word of the day is shit..as in shit i broke a glass cause the baby was screaming earlier