Monday, August 08, 2005
I never expected to ever be married and have a child all before i turn 25. In June i delivered my baby girl Sarah by c-sec after 36 hours of labor my doctors said it was failure to progress......yea i call it a lack of cervadil. I dont know which of my husband and me was more scared, i thought i was but he could have been since he mentioned after she was born maybe it would just be 1 child for us, we want 3 kids i still do tho i got very freaked out and upset while on the operating table. Those drs shouldnt have pushed a crying hysterical woman into an O.R. at that point. If it wasnt for a very nice man with a bottle of afrin in his pocket i prolly would have freaked out more cause i had trouble breathing. As for being mommy i love it but its exhausting, i enjoy being with the baby all day but after a while i'm desperate for some kind of break. I didnt leave my home for two weeks recently i got very stressed out and depressed. i was begging hubby to give me a few bucks and get my dad to take me someplace. i spent 336 hrs straight with the baby......the day i finally got out of the house i stared at the shelf at Blockbusters cause i didnt know what recently came out. that and i wandered around walmart til the baby got fussy. i have a friend staying at my house til tuesday and hubby happily keeps the baby while i hang out. sadly all i really wanted to do was just hold my baby. i love being mommy i definetly in no hurry for my baby to grow up i still cant figure out where 2 months have gone, let alone that almost a year ago i got pregnant with her. as for my life before her i dont feel i existed truly. i probably sound nuts but i feel i was to be a mom at some point but i never expected it to happen when it did or what it took. i had once said i wanted my first child by my 25th birthday..........that will be Sept 25. she was born in june so i guess thats how it was supposed to be. when we're ready for the next baby i wont plan it. i dont ever plan on trying to get pregnant again it took 2.5 years of my life last time, those years were stuck in hell trying to get knocked up i lost myself then i dont ever want that again.