surgery yesterday

well yesterday became the end of my baby making days. i had a tubal done after having a freak iud incident. it feels weird yet like nothing happened except for the bandaids and bleeding you'd never know i had somehting done. i'm not in any pain but its only 24 hours past it.
my hand is a little sore from the iv and the numbing shot but its not bruised like my elbow is from having blood drawn 2 days before surgery..
thats my sad pathetic news
the good news is my little guy started rolling today, he goes belly to back to die and back to his back before getting mad, he hasnt made the complete roll over yet but he did it today. me and hubby are happy that he did it i never thought he was going to cause he hates being on his tummy but lo and behold today was the day he rolled over.

i'm scatterbrained

my son is now 2 months old and my daughter is 2 years old. i'm gonna be moving some of my posts around since i created a knitting blog my creativity is overflowing since i picked my needles back up

i shall post again soon

whoops forgot to update

yea ok i suck at this i know i do but its really not my fault my laptop has been dead since Dec.
Dec 5th we found out what we're having....a precious little boy
Dec 25th we announced his name to family James Aleksander

now its jan 26th and i'm 27 weeks 2 days pg.....if you do the math its only 89/88 days til he's due and i'm not ready!!!!!
i havent bought anything big yet, he's already got a crib, stroller and car seat i dont think he's gonna notice that those are from his sister and the travel system isnt too girly.
i still need to get some medium sized things like a bouncer and a highchair and a new crib mattress. he's gonna need clothes too..unless he can wear a bunch of pink stuff ok its not pink its mostly purple lol. i have sleepers and stuff but i dont know what i still have left from the last time since i gave alot of clothes away.

as for my princess she's doing so well she knows mommy has a baby in her belly, of course she thinks she does too so i keep correcting her as she flashes me lol. she's quite vocal and lets you know what she wants even if its cheese all the time or juice. she knows kitty cat, spongebob squarepants (why oh why oh why) which sounds more like bobbob, she gets excited when that show comes on same with backyardigans but she doenst say any character names yet, she knows fish , nite nite, two, oww,and chips she has more but i cant distinguish the current words shes come up with. she's 19 months old now and walks like a champ takes off running like one too. she chases the cat around the living room going "kikat" and if you walk into the kitchen she runs to the gate and asks for cheese, i should be glad its not cookies right?

i still cant believe i'll have 2 under 2 in 3 short months. it still gets me that in 2004 the drs didnt have an answer for why i wasnt getting pregnant and now i've done it on my own twice!

short and sweet

we're gonna be finding out what the new baby is in a few weeks. and i still have a really bad yarn addiction and knitting habit

unhappy

i've been over stressed the past weeks and an unhappy at the way things have gone. igave family 2 weeks to stay, find a place and move....now its moving closer to next month.
i'm exhausted and miserable, i'm trying to enjoy being pregnant again and take care of my toddler and i feel like i have to stay out of their way in my own damn house! hubby and i wont provide food for them cause its not our job to feed 3 mouths that extended their stay.
on top of everything now theres roaches in my house that were not here before they arrived! WTF! i can deal with ants but roaches oh hell fucking no!!!!!!
tomorrow is my birthday and its supposed to be a nice day for me but i dont see that being the case

memo to my cat

My closet is not your litter box!!!!!!!!!!!

i wanted to search for my other crapped out power cord and the smell just overwhelmed me. i'm gonna spend the next week washing clothes because of my cat

i'm being nice and i didnt call her a psycho once

pregnancy + dr. pepper = blah

i should know better than to drink dark sodas when i know they made me gag before i got knocked up but i needed a drink and my usual drink of choice was downstairs so i grabbed the closer drink and now i feel like crap

other than that i'm feeling ok most of the time unless i cant sleep then i'm not a nice person

anyway next week i turn 26, i dread the idea of even celebrating my birthday most years cause usually its a disaster or i get the sorry too busy bs from people. hubby has to work that day and one of my SIL has something planned for me which was a big shock cause usually her and my brother give me an IOU....3 years in a row so i stopped doing things for their bdays, its not that i was mad its just that i got tired of the its the thought that counts effort.

i cant think of much else right now, i havent been able to work on my knitting and i cant get really into reading a book like i'd like to.
thats all i got for now my power cord crapped out again so i gotta fix it til the 1st

musings from the insomniatic preggo woman

i have no clue if i even spelled that right.
its 230 am and my darling hubby gets up at 5am...hopefully i'll be asleep by then, hopefully.
tonight we took punkin to the bookstore(my fave place to be)and she was just the cutest, she kept trying to wave bye-bye to daddy and tried to make a new friend. she got away with getting a stuffed dog out of the night, she grabbed it off the shelf and gave it a kiss. after her having been sick for over a week we were more than happy to buy her the doggie(it also helped that she said mine! and doggie) plus our silly child ended up eating half of daddy's cheesecake and tried to get my coffee(she didnt get it, she got the cup when i finished it tho)
as for me, i'm in a creative mood and funk at the same time, my custom knit idea isnt working out and i dread the idea of orders finally coming in around late fall when my hands may be too swollen to do any real work(this is why my 8ft scarf took a year to make)
trying to make the spring addition a blanket and i hope this one will be a girl cause i'm going for white and pink(ummm boys can have some pink too right?)plus i have two other projects that may get torn apart and restarted like 2 or 3 times before i get what i want out of them
ya know i should go to bed but damn it i think i had a 3 or 4 hour nap earlier today and now i cant sleep. tomorrow should be fun
ooo that and
i may be crazy but i think i've felt this baby moving around(i'm 9w2d)i'm prolly just nuts and had too much chocolate today tho.
my next ob appt is the 27th

shamelessly stolen idea for a post

thanks shevon i had to do it lol

Your Stripper Song Is

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school.

What Song Should You Strip To?

tomorrow

my first ob appointment is tomorrow morning. i'm looking forward to it since this baby was a natural conception on our first try after stopping birth control

well it may be time to change my title or somethin

cause i'm gonna be a mom to 2 kids

i still gotta get it confirmed but 2 tests said enough for me

ooooo i may be going into business

i've gotten my first request for a hat to be made for someone for money. i'm still ironing out the details but i'm stoked cause its money i didnt have before and it allows me to buy yarn!
i finished the hat i did for hubby and now i get to make a customized one for someone.

oops didnt post in july..........i've done more knitting

ok so in the past few weeks theres been more knitting....i really do need to finish projects before i start more.
poncho has been in progress and hasnt been touched in weeks.
also i was able to make the final piece to my set, i made a bag to hold the scarf, fingerless mittens and the hat, plus i'm half done with dh's fugly hat. its truly earned the name fugly.he asked for it in a very brightly multi colored yarn...i wanna see him wear this thing in public
thats it for now i have a still sleepy 13 month old in my lap

Last June Post

again another month has passed.....
my daughter is 1 now and very much a toddler. she's walking and talks back(wait isn't that supposed to start at 13?)
as for me i'm still knitting as it stands i have 3 projects going and the 4th one was already unraveled after i got really annoyed with the yarn so that one may be done with something else along with the crappy yarn.
today i decided to make another hat and much to my own dismay its twisted yep thats right i cant keep the damn thing straight which means i have to start over and damn if it isnt 2am i'd start it over but no i want to see exactly how twisted i got it before i start it over. i should be proud i'm attempting this but i've only tried knitting in a round 2 times and this is the 2nd one..... havent figured out how i got it twisted yet
i've also learned just how long i can tolerate my MIL in my home, its not a very long time i'd say 1 day before i'm pulling my hair out(shhh i played nice last week and bit my tongue alot)
oh well back to the hat before i pull it apart

It's June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats right in 20 days is my baby's 1st birthday party! we bought her presents and the 15th i'm getting decorations and food there may be no theme by then.
as for my getting out of control hobby........
2 finished projects Scarf and Shawl
2 in progress projects Hat to match Scarf and a self designed Shawl Shrug i think
in progress right now means its not visible to tell what it is yet the hat is just a 4 inch wide strip and the other is getting out of control and becoming a massive pain in my ass(i designed it and somehow its taking on a life of its own)
i wanted to make something that will cover but be cute and i didnt think that i wanted til i actually started on it......ask me in a month what it resembles

i've calmed my posts down lately the knitting has really helped make me calmer in my life after the stress we've dealt with and its relaxing and distracting enough to help me diet as well

destressed.....and creative

i found something that helps me calm down, it helps so much however its gonna put a hole in my pocket cause its a knitting hobby....
give or take for the past 10 years i've known how to do it but only since my daughter is becoming mobile have i had the time and patience to work on it, plus the stress from dealing with oldest brother i've had alotta time on my hands and have been knitting alot
first project was a scarf length of time on project was a year(i stopped for months while pregnant my hands were too swollen to bend) now its done and i mean DONE!!!!! its total length is 8ft and is at the widest i want to say 6 inches but mostly 4-5 inches. i'm proud of myself for it since i did most of the work in 2 months time and only used 1 ball of yarn
so in that i have pictures from the past month of progress
taken 4/15/06

taken 4/29/06

taken on 5/8/06 the morning after i finished

and my addictted self has already begun Project #2 a Shawl in a similar yarn only much lighter that may become wider than my needles are(circular needles are a blessing but my curse cause i only have 2 and they are 29 inches.......mommy is gonna need some wider needles and some more yarn if this habit of mine gets outta control
at least my mom is proud of me

i'm so over it!

my oldest brother and his ways that is. he needs to grow the fuck up and take accountability for his actions. i'm damn close to washing my hands of him. his stupid ass told his wife that left him he'd either live with parents or me! who the fuck said he's living with me! not me i know.
he still owes me money from 3 years ago and i havent forgotten. he cant live with me anyway i live in military housing that mean no moochers that and i'm allergic to his menthol cigarettes so he cant be near me.
i'm so over his stupidity and that this is his 2nd wife that he's pushed out.
fuckin idiot
if anyone want a useless brother they can have mine

yea thats right fuck my day up will ya!

why is it family can really fuck your day up? i make 2 calls to my folks to see about this weekends plans and now i'm upset and pissed off. i was really hoping to spend time with them but no cause my sister in law is in a fucking MOOD. fuck she just wrecked my good mood and prolly the rest of my weekend.
now i also have to possibly deal with my other brother finding out i'm talking to his ex-wife who i was friends with in highschool years ago. i didnt hate her when they split up i just never talked to her cause they were in another state.
what the fuck gives my family the damned right to run my life when i'm 25?! i put up with it for years now i have to pretty much make sure princess is in a good mood just for me to visit my parents cause they live with them..its my parents home i shouldnt need their fucking permission to take my daughter there to see her grandparents and her cousin. fuck i'm pissed off
i started crying til i got mad which was about 2 minutes then decided since i had this it was going here.
my husband hates how they interfer in my life, i've been told which friends they did or didnt trust plus the guys i had dated which ones they liked and which ones they didnt so i didnt get to learn from my mistakes. well fuck i got my chance to do it as an adult and damn it i'm gonna be friends with who the hell i want to damn it.
well i might as well find my daughters outfit and set it aside so she can get her easter bunny picture taken today cause i need some peace

Knitting makes mommy happy

oh yes knitting its been my way to unwind for a while but this past couple of weeks i've been really working on it. my scarf that i've been knitting since i was pregnant last year is now 40 inches + long. i'm not really sure how long it is cause my tape measure runs out at 39 inches.
its quite relaxing for me lately with my daughter teething and my hubby talking about his job options.
i am still annoyed that i need to buy a new set of bamboo needles cause my cat may have chewed on one. i really loved this set of needles they were perfect and smooth now one has about an inch chewed on.
i have also decided on something, when i have the money i want to get a set of needles thru a ball of yarn tattooed on my leg for the fact i've kept with it for so many years even tho i hadnt knit so much til i was looking for something to do while pregnant.
i had learned to knit watching my mom then reversing what she did to make it work for me, now after 10 years its time for me to learn more i'm hoping to learn new things once this scarf is finished which hopefully is gonna be in a month or so.
well time to get back to my work this scarf aint gonna knit itself.

feeling hurt

i dont think my husband understands things too well, i havent had a break from the baby in weeks and his solution is i go to a friends house, well i dont want to cause i'd be in their way. everyone else is too busy to hang out with this housewife so i'm the last person anyone calls. even my own family doesnt call me.
i'm sitting in my living room with the tv and lights off typing this trying not to cry i'm so upset and hurt. its been a while since i got out of the house to do anything. its been weeks since i saw my folks and my last trip out was blockbuster to end up sitting in the car with my husband cussing over the traffic.
tonight he decided to mock me again after i've asked him not to do that anymore. its hurtful cause its disrespectful. he smacked my leg playing so i kicked him, i hit him in the rib and he smacked me again on the leg, so i went upstairs on my computer. he brings the baby up with him so i go back downstairs to my dark living room cause i'm hurting from this.
he doesnt understand nor listen to my needs or wants....i put my own needs aside for him and the baby. i've been waiting for over a month to get new contacts or to even order them and he seems to forget that its a need as well as new glasses as mine are several years old.
i think he has his wife and our childs mom mixed up forgetting that i'm more than a 24/7 caretaker and i have needs and desires. they dont seem to matter to him. he tells me i'm sexy and i dont believe him for these reasons cause he says it he doesnt show it.
i just need a break a few hours without him and the baby at this rate i dont care if its just for coffee or to spend an hour with my mom i just need away before i get depressed
tonight my word is asshole, opinions are like assholes everybody has one